


The Finality of Death

by makemelovely



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Non-Linear Narrative, POV Dawn Summers, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-08 09:00:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11643261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makemelovely/pseuds/makemelovely
Summary: "You're gone and I just don't understand it."//Dawn sits by Buffy's grave, waiting for her to crawl out of it because if she did it once she can do it again. Dawn just has to be patient.





	The Finality of Death

There is a battle on the front lawn. It's one of the good days. It's sunny and warm, the sky is clear and the air is fresh. It smells like summer even though it's late spring. Dawn is thinking about going inside and getting a grape popsicle for herself and a cherry one for Buffy who is sitting out in the sunshine, a secret little smile worming its way across her lips.

For a minute everything is right. The grass is brilliantly green, the sky a crystal clear blue, and Buffy is golden as per usual.

Then the wind blows and brings something new.

Buffy's lips twitch into a frown and she jolts up to her feet, diving for a shovel that Kennedy had left out. She had just told Dawn to get everyone else when the demons emerged from the woods. "Go, Dawn!" Dawn had frozen for a split second before darting inside, panting harshly as she burst into the dining room, babbling about the demons outside. The word demon had barely passed her lips before a large group of them ran for the front doors.

Dawn trails behind, her fingers brushing along the walls. Her world feels inexplicably, inevitably changed and she has the sinking feeling she knows why.

Dawn stumbles outside and she observes the damage. Before and after, if you will.

Before the grass had been brilliantly green and now it is stained with blood and various demon parts. The sky is as clear as ever. Buffy had been golden and now she was limp. Her head was tilted at an unnatural angle and her eyes were wide and blank. Dawn's mouth opened, closed. She felt weak, like she had been carrying the world on her shoulders for months without a rest. Dawn moved over to Buffy and bent, checking her pulse. She waited for the tell tale thump, thump, thump that would leap against Buffy's warm but cooling skin. It didn't happen. Dawn stood up, her mind whirling and collapsing all at once. Dawn breathed in, and slid limply to the bloody grass.

**Day One**

Dawn stares blankly in the mirror and rubs her thumb absently over the fresh cut on her arm. It stings from the antibacterial stuff Willow had given her. Her thumb doesn't come away stained with blood like it had yesterday. Dawn can still remember when Buffy told her about Summers blood and the stain Dawn had aquired that night.

The memory burns her stomach and she leans over the toilet. The breakfast Xander had brought her comes up and splashes into the water.

Dawn wipes her mouth and flushes, washing away any reminder of food.

**Day Twenty Two**

Dawn is curled into a ball in the grass that's full of creeping bugs and her white blouse that she wore yesterday with the navy skirt is getting grass stains everywhere. The air is thick and heavy with something that is a little like all the hope you have sliding away from your grasp. It's not neat or fun, it's suffocating sitting the dirt and waiting for your dead sister to crawl out of her grave. Dawn is struggling to keep her mind awake but there is a wave of blackness and it washes over her and she's asleep.

When she wakes up there's a heavy wool blanket covering her. Her white blouse is wrinkled and stained and the early morning sun is peeking out so Dawn stands up and brushes her thigh length skirt down. Her stomach is like lead, weighing her down every time she tries to move. She makes it to her room before she collapses with a scream of anger and frustration and probably every other emotion under the sun. Dawn's shoulders shake and it's not with tears but with fury and her fists clinch and her nails dig into her skin and when she unclenches there are little crescent moon marks and it's oddly satisfying.

**Day Twenty One**

Dawn is wearing a button up white blouse and a thigh length navy blue skirt. Her hair is brushed and floating down her back in a smooth waterfall of dark brown and blue eyes are emphasized by black eye liner. Her teeth are brushed and her perfume is permeating the air. Dawn smiles because Buffy would tell her she looks totally cute in her outfit. Dawn is looking in the mirror so she sees the exact moment her face crumples and her eyes well up.

She doesn't make it to the toilet.

**Day Forty Nine**

Spike and Angel came today. They had been late because they had gotten caught up in a battle in LA. They had almost been lost to some kind of hell dimension that Buffy could have been in maybe if it was years ago and she was just fourteen.

Dawn punches Angel and splits her knuckles open, not even looking at the blood spilling from her hands. She doesn't miss the flash of gold in their eyes or the pain that cuts her stomach up like nothing she's ever felt. She almost doesn't remember that her blood smells exactly like Buffy's. Her blood is Buffy's, after all. Nothing about Dawn is original.

The thought sends Dawn into a tailspin of anger. It blurs her vision but it doesn't stain anything red. Instead everything turns to shades of green. She can feel it glowing in her, a burning in her stomach that can only be described my color. Green. The unique green that is Dawn Summers. Literally.

A cool hand slides along her wrist and she can feel fingers linking with hers. Dawn feels her vision shift, slowly coming back into focus. Spike's eyes are soft and blue, stifling in their concern.

"I'm fine." Dawn bites out, yanking her hand away. He should have been here to save her. God knows how many times he proclaimed that she was the love of his un-fucking-life and he should have been here. It's an unfair thought but it rings true. At least to Dawn it does.

**Day One Hundred and Sixty Eight**

Dawn idly traces patterns against her bare thigh as she watches Buffy's grave and waits for her sister to come back to life. Willow hadn't said she would bring her back but Dawn knew she would. Dawn needed her big sister and Willow could give her that. In fact, Dawn knew she would give her that.

"Remember when you told me to live." Dawn has been prattling on for hours now because sitting in the dark with the dim silver light of the moon was a tad boring. "You told me to live and then you died. I think I died a little bit too. That summer I barely ate anything and I cried a lot but nobody really cared. They were dealing with their own grief. I remember thinking it was really unfair and it was totally lame." Dawn scratched her knee absently, relaxing as she talked to her sister who would surely rise soon. She would wait all night if she had to.

"And then you came back and you were different. You'll be like that this time too but I think with time and patience and love and care you'll be good as new. You've gotta be." Suddenly Dawn's throat felt tight and itchy and her eyes were burning with held back tears. "You've gotta be because I don't have anybody else but you Buffy. Xander's not my friend, he's yours. Willow is your best friend, not mine. Giles is your father, not mine. You are the only one who is mine, Buff. Just like I am yours. Always will be because we are sisters. Always." Dawn wiped her eyes furiously, sitting up sharply as she took a deep breath.

"I love you. You'll see when you get back." Dawn nodded, ignoring the little twinge of doubt that was rooted in her heart.

**Day Thirty Five**

Dawn fired the crossbow, the arrow sticking out of the dummy sharply. She took a breath, recalled what Buffy told her, and reloaded. Dawn took Buffy's advice and fired, grinning when it hit the target she intended.

Buffy always gave the best advice.

**Day Eleven**

Dawn breathes in, and breathes in, and breathes in.

It feels like their isn't enough oxygen in the room.

**Day One Hundred and Sixty Nine**

Buffy is still dead and Dawn is so tired. She's tired of a lot of things.

She's tired of everybody letting her think that she's not cracked and fractured beyond repair. She's tired of feeling like the world is on her shoulders and she's collapsing. She's tired of hoping that Buffy will come back because deep down she knows it won't happen. Willow won't use that dark magic again and there is no other way. Most of all she's tired of missing her sister.

**Day One Hundred and Seventy**

She's so sick of missing the sister who is her whole world. Buffy is everything to Dawn. Two halves of one whole. Literally. Dawn is the parts of Buffy that were long forgotten but still part and she makes them up. Without each other they just aren't complete. Dawn isn't even Dawn anymore, it feels like.

**Before**

Buffy hands are warm as she braid Dawn's long brown hair. "We will always be sisters, Dawnie. Forever and ever."

Dawn met her eyes in the mirror and smiled. "Always."

**Day Three Hundred Sixty Five**

It's been an entire year since Buffy died and Dawn's still not sure she's breathing correctly. But she manages. She'll always manage. For Buffy.

Because she said she'd live.


End file.
